International Women’s Day 2017

Truth that is no big deal but even in 2017 can seem surprising for too many… it’s pretty rare that I do the dishes in my household. My mom, a self-proclaimed “perfectionist” doesn’t let anyone get the chance (let’s be honest, no one is really trying) and before she was living with us, it was mostly my husband who handled that particular chore.

But my whacky family and our dirty dishes are not really why I invited you here today.

I’ve invited you here because it’s international women’s day and most of you are women and I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. You are one of the reasons why I love my work so much. From the minute we connect about a project I get to bask in and reflect back to you the beauty, truth, goodness and strength I see in you.

And there is always so very much.

So thank you. For everything you do to show up and be you in the world.

I wish I could come up with a way to say it that was fresh and smart and for sure would land smack in the middle of your brilliant heart - but for now these words that I’ve said a hundred times already and will say a thousand times more are my hopeful offering.

You matter.

So much more than I can express with mere words (but watch me try)…

You - just exactly as you are right now.

Whether in the depths of your shadow work or shining your brightest (or both because these are not actually mutually exclusive).

Whether wearing vintage Gucci or a head full of newly sprouted grays.

Whether carrying an *extra* 25 lbs. in your middle or at the top of your fitness game (or both because these are not actually mutually exclusive).

Whether frazzled from being home alone with the kids all week while you’re partner is gone, or frazzled (and strong) AF is your normal because - single parenting is your normal.

Whether you walk through your world looking like everything is perfect while being just so incredibly shaky on the inside or you walk through your world wearing your shaky on your sleeve.

Whether you’re seeking or sleeping, overspending or underpaid, or any combination of these because none of them are mutually exclusive. You matter.

You are essential.

And really I could stop right there, but International Women's Day has had my brain spinning since about 4am so if you're up for the long haul - stay with me a bit longer.... (and if you're at your saturation point then just take the love and carry on... I promise my feelings won't be hurt and I love the way you take care of yourself).

You may have heard that the organizers of the Woman’s March have been encouraging women to participate in making March 8th (today) “A Day Without a Woman”. The idea being that it would have ENORMOUS impact if every-woman, everywhere, took the day off of both paid and unpaid work.

Now to be fair, I think what they're really intending here is a strike but remember it's my 4am brain at work here and no matter how I twist it, the idea of "a day when every-woman, everywhere, takes the day off of both paid and unpaid work", makes me giggle. And also worry.

I mean for real.

Can you even imagine it???

So it’s *this* concept that has me late… I just keep tumbling it around in my mind looking at it from different angles. Curious. At times angry, touched by the grief of it all, and also amused.

Let’s go on a little journey, shall we?

Picture this….

At 12:01 am this morning a magical fairy godfather (let that sink in - Marlon Brando and Al Pacino floating above you, their fairy bellies all aglow, with wands, wings and sparkly shit floating all around them)…

Got it?

Anyhoo… The magical fairy godfather of your choice (the cozy maternal godmothers and all the sexy maiden fairies are off duty today, remember) gently scoops you up out of your slumber (with your explicit consent obviously) and transports you to Fantasy Island.

I mean to a fantasy island.

(I’m showing my age, aren’t I)?

You wipe the fairy dust out of your eyes, look around and find yourself surrounded by all the women, and when I say all the women, I mean ALL the women. The pussy hatted women, the women without enough yarn to knit a pair of socks, the black and white and brown, and poor and rich and all the in-between women. The multi-lingual women, the english speaking women, the ones who show up every day bravely struggling to learn english or some other new language on the fly as their second or even third language so they can make their way in a new place, the women who speak in "broken english" and are constantly being evaluated and judged by those who lack the patience or sight to see the brilliance in front of them. (We’re all in such a damn hurry).

You look around and you easily find “your people”, you look around and you also see all kinds of people that make you uneasy, uncomfortable, unsure.

I’m not sure how our fantasy island day off from paid and unpaid work would play out. I’m a big believer in women and beauty and love and truth and so my hope is that we’d move towards, not just the women that we feel safe with - and by safe I mean those in our comfort zones - the ones who look and feel mostly like us. But also towards the gems and jewels of those on the outskirts of the circles we live in. The circles we create and the circles we have been born into.

I’m also not sure how life on earth would play out for the ones we left behind while on our little “vacation”. I’m a mama and lover of men and I’ve seen how profoundly capable of being incredible humans they can be, so for this fairytale let’s assume that they spend the day in a mix of thoughtful grief and game-changing awareness. While clearly having to work their asses off figuring things out and compensating for our absence.

But let’s focus on us - the women of the right now world. I have visions of us each, toes in warm sand, surrounded by beauty and without a logistic care in the world - choosing to reflect fully, to notice our own biases, our privileges - our places where we can be more powerful. I picture us really seeing our differences in all of it’s glorious presentation. I see us taking things a little slower, breathing a little deeper and choosing a little more thoughtfully. A little more courageously.

I can feel us loving a little harder.

I imagine the power and magic that would happen if we chose to expand our circles, become not only inclusive and inviting but also to make space - pass the mic - open our ears and lay down our own struggle long enough to really hear what someone less heard than us (can you imagine that’s a thing?) might have to say.

My heart is full when I imagine what we could do, given the time, the space and the support to sit in one all encompassing circle and strategize, conjure, nurture, listen and create.

And then when our day “off work” ended, and we were all neatly and gently delivered back to our comfy warm beds in our luxury homes, our moderate homes, our struggling to keep it together but still lovely homes, our hotel vacation homes, our tarps under the overpasses homes, our fear ridden sleeping spaces where we sleep next to the one who hurts us most homes, the spaces we stay in because truly, we don’t have another option homes.

Then what?

Would we wake the next day and put into play the new plan we came up with to change everything for everyone for the betterment of all? Would we still be up for redistributing our wealth, our power, our opportunities and our recognition that we’ve had to fight so hard for?

Would we be welcoming our new sisters into our homes, to our dinner tables, into our children's lives? Would we "Marie Kondo" the fuck out of our lives, our thoughts, our spending - getting everything out that doesn’t spark joy in another women (less privileged then ourselves) lives - knowing that this is part of the missing piece to our own achy quest for joy?

Or would we quickly slip back into what we know? Would we stay scared and desperate and cling even tighter to our own children's future, so much so that we can’t let anything go that might take away from their soccer fees, tutoring, clothes, organic food, classes and camps - and all the good, important things we need to give them to make sure they’re well positioned? To make sure they have options. To make sure they can thrive.

Could we take some from them - our own children to make sure our less entitled sisters children have the same opportunities, the same set up for success?

This women’s fight - whether marching or taking the day off or protesting quietly while you re-evaluate who gets your money (we vote with our dollars) - it’s been a long fight. We stand on the shoulders of so many before us, and we have a long road ahead of us. This is a good fight, a worth while fight and I think we need to ask ourselves hard questions.

I think we need to be sure that when we’re standing up for women’s rights, we’re standing up for all women’s rights.

This is a beautiful life.

I believe in us - we’re women after all.

So for those of us who live a healing path, who are seekers and devotees of the intelligence that gives birth to us all. Those of us who have worked so, so hard to undo our co-dependent ways, to learn to live with our traumas and anxieties and our bodies, those of us who have had to fight to convince our inner critic that we deserve to sleep enough, eat enough, to be in relationship with those who treat us right, to take time for ourselves and our creative endeavors….

I think it’s as essential as ever that we continue and even deepen our self care practices. We must fortify our bodies and our minds, we must choose what nourishes, strengthens and lifts us up. And I believe that our self care practices are vastly limited if they don’t also include nourishing and strengthening and lifting up the sisters less fortunate, less entitled and less privileged than we may be.

So wherever and however you are marching your journey, I am sending extra love and awe your way today and inviting us all to see how we might make our circle of women a little more whole.